Saying Goodbye wasn’t easy, for sure.
With some people you would think, “was that the last time I will ever see them again?” With others, you could be confident it wasn’t, but still really sad at the lost time and proximity. Some friends didn’t get an obligatory hug and official “goodbye”.
With our friend Josh D, he said it to us, and it sounded official. I told him that I would surely see him again before we left (this was a couple weeks early). I didn’t see him again. I thought we would see our other friend Josh W again and say goodbye, but we didn’t. We never got a goodbye from him. That’s how it is, I guess.
I said that there were three tiers of friends involved in the process. The first tier of friends knew every status, every date, and were at the final few parties. We got official goodbyes from them all. There were a lot of tears with this group. And alcohol.
The second tier of friends knew about the plan overall. They were generally surprised when we told them updates, as they happened fewer and farther between for them. Most of them got official goodbyes, and they were generally in group settings.
Tier 3 friends found out about the move through social media. Or maybe through a friend of a friend. Most of them never heard goodbye.
I had front-loaded most of my emotions about saying goodbye to my best friends and family. Since I knew all of the stages and had to say goodbye to everyone, I did a lot of hurting and crying early on, before the words were ever spoken. I was sad about everybody, but my friends were only sad about us. That meant that most of my goodbyes were kind of one-sided. They would cry and be really bummed out, but I kept it pretty cool. It’s not that I wasn’t devastated by the circumstances, but I had already done my grieving. I often wonder if my friends understood that, or if they thought that I didn’t care as much? I hope they have peace.
There’s a level of guilt associated with bringing loss onto those you love. Nobody wants to be a burden, and my friends never asked for me to leave. They didn’t make the choice to lose friends. I believe that deep down they all want the best for us, though, so I would like to think that the good and bad feelings cancel each other out.
At least, that helps me feel better about it.
the eventually home 