We arrived at the Tocumen International Airport in Panama City, Panama at 6:30 in the morning. I hadn’t slept in a day and a half. This was the culmination of the greater part of a lifetime of wanting to move overseas. We finally did it. And man, did I feel some things: excited for our new chapter, nervous about getting through customs, but mostly scared.
Scared that this was the worst decision that we had ever made.
Scared that my family was now in danger that they weren’t in before.
Scared that we had financially doomed ourselves.
Scared that I wouldn’t like it.
Scared that it was all my fault.
When I had seen Youtube videos of people moving to different countries in the past, they never talked about being afraid of everything. I was terrified. The stakes had never been higher in any situation in my entire life, and it felt like the entire outcome was on my shoulders. These are heavy weights to burden. I felt a thousand pounds… I guess that’s like 450 kilos now. Another thing I need to worry about.
Speaking of math, there is a lyric in Manchester Orchestra’s “Simple Math”:
What if I’ve been trying to get where I’ve always been?
Fitting.
the eventually home 